Edinburgh, Scotland

I had forgotten how much Scotland feels like home...sometimes. My friends here are wonderful people, incredibly generous, kind, culturally and politically astute, and really really fucking funny. I say sometimes however, because no matter what, in Scotland, I will never be "Scottish". To my friends, it doesn't matter, but to Scottish society it does in very subtle ways which are hard to describe.

It's a strange dichotomy, Scottish Nationalism now mixed with intense capitalism which has engulfed this city in the last four years. Edinburgh has been effectively globalized by the market economy, perhaps more than any other city in the UK. I walked down to Leith to check out my old stomping grounds (yes, also the neighborhood featured in "Trainspotting"). My memories of it were entombed from 1995 when I left. A gothic/seedy neighborhood struggling with rampant alcoholism and smack use. The alcoholism and smack use is still there, only now, instead of it being in pubs and tenement flats, it's on the streets; outside well lit yuppy restaurants serving brioche and imported cheeses. The little restaurant I worked at "The Waterfront" could barely be seen, encased in a sea of new high priced condos and a monsterous government building that looks like an airport.

I visited the Waterfront in hopes of finding my friend Allana who is the chef there and an all around amazing person. She was there, as I remembered her, working her fingers to the bone, making the most amazing food. She was as glad to see me as I was her and brought me along on her break to pick up her two young boys, Jamie and Louie. She had to drop them off at daycare so I had the chance of seeing them. The children were amazing and it was great to See Allana. I just spent the afternoon catching up with her on life stuff today as she had the day off. Something that really strikes me about Allana and my other friends here, is that there is a kindness, a gentleness and a hopefullness underneath all that Scottish cynicism. The hopefulness is I believe more vibrant than that American optimism which we are so famous for. I think this is because it is based on love for others, a firm belief that through helping others, being generous and kind of spirit, you can be happy. And that generosity and kindness is the best life has to offer.

The Scots have had a rough time of it no thanks to the English, and now, no thanks to the Americans. Edinburgh it seems, is slowly becoming a Scottish playland park for tourists, but the working class folks here, the activists and artists retain its soul. The population of Scotland is deacreasing at such a dramatic rate due to an exodus of young people to places like MAnchester and London, that it's almost as histocially significant as the Highland clearances. With housing costs rivalling London, it's no wonder most folks can't afford to live here. So the housing sits empty, and people are forced to work themselves to the bone or deal drugs on the streets. Sound familiar?

That said, I do feel at home here, because of that spirit I mentioned. My friend linda who I am staying with has given me her keys to her house and basically said I can stay as long as I want, like a family member. It's really feels wonderful to feel so welcomed.

I've mostly been catching up with old friends, writing a ton and making contacts for this video project. I'll be going to faslane peace camp tomorrow and Findhorn foundation up near Inverness on Monday. They have a cool experiment at Findhorn that is part of the ecovillage movement. Ecovillage is basically a sustainable inentional community that lives off the grid. They have them all over the world and are doing pretty amazing stuff like experimenting with alternative currencies, decision making bodies as well as living off the grid. You can check out Findhorn's ecovillage at
http://www.ecovillagefindhorn.com/

The global ecovillage website is
www.ecovillage.org

There's also a book out called ecovillage which I just picked up. Check it out if you see it anywhere (and if you're interested in that sort of thing). Some of it seems a bit too hippy for me, but it is visionary stuff.

Tonight I'll be visiting my friend Rachel and going for dinner at "Stanley Road" which is an amazing communal house that used to be lesbian only. I remember when I lived here in Edinburgh and went for an interview to live there but their "no men" policy discouraged me from renting the room. It's new folks now and they now allow men to walk through the door. Evidently there's even a massage therapy student coming over tonight to give free massages and it's a guy! It's good to know things can change.

No surfing in Scotland. Me thinks its too cold up here..and windy, plus my surfing buddy Helen is back in Newcastle so it just isn't the same. Another excuse is they don't rent long boards up here. God knows how people learn to surf in the UK when all you can rent is a 6 foot freestyle board. My legs hang off the damn things. GEEZ!

That's all for now.

Newcastle UK

I landed three days ago and have finally gotten over the jet lag which was exasperated I believe due to the lack of oxygen on the airplane. I guess airlines are saving money now to compete with companies like Jet Blue and Southwest by cutting down on the Oxygen in the cabin. The plane was so hot and stuffy it felt like a 10 hour monsoon season bus ride in South India. I sat next to an 80 year old farmer from the Faro islands and a 21 year old Marilyn Manson fan from London. It was a strange journey. The farmer was Danish and was having a hard time due to the lack of room. I sat in the middle seat, and he had to keep jabbing me about every five minutes to relieve his discomfort. The man behind me was in the same predicament, kneeing me in the back to relieve his arthritis. I don't remember airplanes being a such a form of torture. I think it's getting to the point where we'll be forced to stand up like cattle and the stewards will just come in and hose us down every 5 hours.

My pal Helen picked me up at the airport and immediately reminded me of just how hospitable and warm folks are in the North and Scotland. I did a screening of some shorts and RNC related stuff at the Side Cinema the following evening which went pretty well. Helen brought a ton of people which was so super sweet. Folks seemed to enjoy the program but Alan who runs the Side says there is a glut of Amercian Docs available. Personally I think that is because in the US, the media is such a huge perpetrator of what is happening right now, and making media that counters that seems a logical step. I asked him why there isn't more stuff coming out of Europe and he said there weren't as many resources. That really surprised me seeing as he gets funding from the city and here in Newcastle alone there is a Music Center, major arts center and a number of theaters. I think all Europeans think Americans have oodles of money coming out of their ears and endless financial resources, failing to see that living in the states as a working class person doing the arts or activism is actually a major struggle if not impossible in the long term. Honestly, when it comes to institutional support for arts and culture, not to mention healthcare and welfare, Europe can't be beat. Alan and I decided to enjoy our pints rather than get into a heavy debate about this.

I was here in Newcastle a year ago, and I have to say the level of gentrification that has happened within a year is pretty intense. The entire Quayside has changed and there are loads of hoity toity expensive restaurants everywhere. It looks like all of Europe is getting consumed quite heavily by the market economy and real estate is the driving force. I feel bad for folks as it seems they're being forced into something that is beyond their control, ie what we in the US have to deal with: High housing costs, no healthcare, no time and a standard of living based solely on consumerism.

I went surfing yesterday with Helen in the North Sea. They're actually holding the Nationals surf competition at the same beach coming October. There's a lone sweet little surf shop with super nice folks who run it including a cute little blond gal who works behind the counter!!!The wetsuits we wore were twice as thick as what you would wear in Northern Cal because the water is so damn COLD but we had a good time and caught some nice waves. We're going again Sunday if all goes well.

Mostly I've been just getting my bearings and figuring out where next after Edinburgh. It's strange having so much freedom. Almost freightening. Half of me is wanting a really structured itinerary, but I'm afraid if I do that, I may miss out on some opportunities of meeting some interesting folks.

Besides Edinburgh, I'll also be heading the Faslane on the West Coast of Scotland. Faslane is an anti-nuclar settlement that has been in existance since the 80's. You can check it out at: www.faslanepeacecamp.org.uk
I should be heading over there next Wednesday or so if all goes well. Evidently they have a bicycle powered indymedia trailer!

Tonight it's an art opening by some artist who draws vaginas. Sounds like a San Francisco event. I can't wait to see the Newcastle version of this. I can only imagine a lot of nice straight folks in black leather jackets and a ton of alcohol consumption. I've noticed most folks look at me like I'm a scary hairy American bull dyke. I really felt this in the airport when I put some money in a vending machine for some potato chips (after being effectively starved of food and Oxygen on the 10 hour flight [don't ever order a vegan meal on BA, they will only give you a banana for breakfast!]) Of course the chips got stuck in the vending machine, so I tried to hit the glass to knock it down. The dozens of British passengers looked in horror as it seemed as though I was in an act of vandalism against a Cadbury vending machine. I was too hungry to care. Unsuccesful in my attempt to free the crisp package. I sat there waiting for some other sucker to buy a candy bar that could perhaps knock my potato chips to freedom, but no luck. I guess wherever I go (in and out of the United States) I will feel like a freak. At 34, alienation doesn't seem to phase me.

Next stop, Scotland.

Stepping Into the Unknown

It's Saturday, the morning after my friends Sara and Amelia arrived. They are great folks and fun to have around. Last night Amelia performed with her burlesque troop "Diamond Daggers" at Club Fab here in Guerneville. I went home before they performed because I was in a bad space which I won't go into now. I mention this though because I realize I'm a very different person than I was 10, 5, even one year ago. I'm sure this is stating the obvious, but at 34, it's hard to be around 20 something baby dykes looking for a shag. I'm just not feeling it .

This morning, Sara and Amelia and I had a great conversation about the idea of "collectivism" and creating a system where we can be more sustainable both financially and socially. It was a interesting discussion which I want to explore in the coming months. My previous post may have sounded bitter, but that wasn't the intention. I really was trying to illustrate how the idea of working for bosses/people (though may work for some) does not work for me. I'm also in a place where in my activism I want to explore sustainable systems for communities, environmental, economic and social. I'm really obsessed with Self Sufficiency at the moment (that is not at the expense of others or the environment).

I think a lot about Ghandi and how he lead India to Independence from the great British Empire. His mantra of Self Sufficiency is what brought his country independence, and although that nation has strayed from Ghandi's original ideals somewhat, his legacy was a powerful seed of something possible. I really want to document these models in the coming months that exist around the world. From Buddist Monestaries to European Squats, I know people are living in models that offer an alternative to this individualistic drain that is consumerism. Suffice it to say, I don't think collectivism as many of us know it is the answer. And probably many of these collectives that I wish to document will have serious flaws. Sara and Amelia, quite rightly pointed out that these models easily fall apart when some have more assets than others, or some do more work than others, or there is a lack of affinity. But I feel in my heart there is a way to live off the grid, create new societys, be autonomous, and still make a contribution to positive change, with a solid intention of creating a better quality of life for every living thing. More importantly, I believe it is possible to set up models for that system to become Viral (like the mass actions of the Global Justice movement), that is, live an off the grid lifestyle and show others how to do it (or at least function as a model). I know there are people out there in past and present history who have done this. Yesterday I signed off my percentage to the "collective venture" of Sparks which was essentially, dare I say, a great learning experience in the collective process. My biggest lessons learned from that venture were to:
1. Always know the people well before entering into a collective situation AND work with them in a lower financial risk collective before diving in deep together. Get all financial agreements on paper in case there is disagreement and do your homework on understanding the legalities of what you are entering into.
2. Make sure all people in the collective bring in equal assets, or buy out those who have initially brought in more so that everyone is on equal grounds.
3. Make an equal commitment to the venture in terms of time and energy. If that is not possible, then create a structure of understanding and an exit strategy.
4. Have a solid, agreed upon exit strategy for all involved in the collective so that no one feels trapped or loaded with too much responsiblity, and if they want to get out, they can, without the entire collective falling apart.

I know there is a group in the East Bay who is setting up a free school taught by radicals and progressives alike to teach children about how to create a better society. I know there are activists setting up Biodiesel gas stations, converting Diesel Engines to run on Vegetable Oil. I know it is possible to run your entire house from the Sun, and compost your toilet waste. I know you can have a full permaculture garden that can sustain a family of four on less than an acre year round. The greatest obstacles to these things are often time, lack of land ownership and money. But I am posing the question, is it still possible? Is there a way to set up a functioning off the grid inentional community for people who aren't rich or on trust funds that can help sustain its members in the process?

If anyone has other ideas or comments on these ideas, I'd love to hear them. If you don't want to join blogspot, just email me and I'd be happy to post them. I'd love to get the juices flowing with you all.

The next time I'll write I will probably be in Newcastle, UK. I'll be staying with my pal Helen, doing some surfing along the English coast and doing a screening of some RNC related stuff/Whispered Media shorts at a cool cinema collective called the side cinema.
Check them out at
www.sidecinema.com (or .org?)

That's all for now.
-s

Almost Ready to set sail

Just about packed. I've moved out of Nancy and Jill's and my stuff is in my car. I'm about to go for an exit interview at the Club. It will be great to unleash the last four months of frustration onto a manager. The job had deteorated over the course of a year and a half from funloving chaos to a profound sense of meaninglessness, mostly because my manager gave my job to his roomate and didn't leave me with anything to do. Not wo wine, but I'm a good employee. This manager gave me a glowing review. He just sucks as a manager and doesn't think about the next step sometimes.

But that's all in the past. Ahhhh, I like being free. Jobs suck. Working for other people sucks even more and I'm going to do everything in my power to keep from wasting my time at some lame ass job working for people who don't care to recognize the effort and commitment put in. I hope some day we can all live in a society where we are not tied to bullshit bosses and meaningless tasks.

I had a great dinner last night with Nancy, Jill, Jess and Phyllis. I realize how blessed I am to have such great people in my life. I wish I could see them more but we all lead such busy lives.

This weekend a bunch of folks are coming up and we're rehearsing for a performance at Women's Weekend on Saturday. My friend Sara is the crowned Drag King of Guerneville's Women's weekend and we are doing a "farewell performance" of Guy's and Doll's "Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat". I like that song. Even musicals in the 50's had a healthy cynicism to religious piety. I've got to practice the charleston for this. I didn't know it could be so challenging. I'm a spaz when it comes to choreography.

Enough for now, I'll write again soon